He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. It was sheer brilliance. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Where are you from? You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. The reason? The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. 49. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. He nodded. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). 66. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? The Blonde Fighter Pilot Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. 18. you cant do both. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. ! Again, no reply. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. 7. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. What happened Sergeant? On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Large mahogany desk.. SUB sandwiches! During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. USMC: OHH! 4. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. Read more. 1. Why Do We Celebrate It? From the Squawk Sheets - F-16 I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. Its a NO FLY zone! So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. So I quit ordering it.. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Im 81 years old, he answered. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Pictures Archives - Aviation Humor Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. Caller: OK. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Did it work? I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. Soldier: Sure, buddy. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. She also liked her scotch. Military Jokes Military Humor - Military News Humor Photos Do you want to hear about my plane?. When Is Military Appreciation Month? Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. Caller: Is Sgt. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Rodrigues there? One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. Later, I spoke with Mom. 5. Funny Aviation Jokes - BEST FUNNY JOKES Me: Hello? Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? This happened several times times throughout the flight. 1. There are many branches of the military. 27. No, we dont, she said. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Military Aviation - Technology: Where it Started and Where it's Going Louis, I grumbled. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? You had tents?" Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. Dad got quiet. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. The INFANTry! No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. Military jokes! How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? It took the poor guy all day. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Ocean Pearl, I answered. 30. 11. Attention! It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Now he likes peanuts.. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Then one day I couldnt find it. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. 35. 10. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. 3. What does ARMY mean to you? Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. How much noise can we make up here? What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. 2. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? 17. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? I was very nervous, she said. 43. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. You divertyour course! Its where we park the helicopters.. Bad altitude. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. 65. As A.J. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. He needed COVER! Full Disclosure Here. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Auld Lang Slice A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. They throw out a pistol. Eternal Piece I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. What would As A.J. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. You can see why: Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. What do hungry Marines eat? Even his son turned up. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! Caller: Sgt. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. The c.i.a. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Military Jokes Military Humor - StrategyPage Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor - Pinterest How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? Rodrigues? They know how to take up space. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". Landings are mandatory. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. 13:30 comes and goes. 28. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. MARCH! For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? Thats my wifes breast pump.. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? 2. Baltimore, said Dad. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. Aviation Humor. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. 4. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. Pilots 5. I just put them all together for your amusement. Anecdotes 2. Killed bin Laden. What are you doing? I asked. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. I was the tallest guy in line. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . These 105+ Airplane Jokes Will Surely Soar At Your Next Party - Scary Mommy The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . More information More like this Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. How tough? Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. 3. U.S. Air Force Grounds Hundreds of Jets: Their Tails May Fall Off A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Dont think so? with someone braver than you.'. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. It took the poor guy all day. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? 10. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Fish Food. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Takeoffs are optional. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? We are directly under the moon.. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. We were a tough group. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. 2. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. 14. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends USN: Helos 13. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. But I am public affairs, I said. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? Did you make it all by yourself? Ive been sandblasted.. Anecdotes 1. Later, I spoke with Mom. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. 64. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: 34. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. 38. Thanks.
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