Whatever your wife is going through that causes you to think, My wife never initiates intimacy, is probably just as worrisome to her as it is to you. While women understand that, men refuse to comprehend that arousal is complex for women. It's possible that your wife is no longer attracted to you or perhaps no longer interested in being married to youthough just note, a lowered libido alone is not necessarily indicative of a larger problem with the relationship. This is hard, because of my upbringing and the fact she is a wonderful person in every other way. The woman is doing two jobs, especially during the pandemic. I guess. Suddenly it all makes sense. Men are very simple to please. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. I thought during the first couple of years of our marriage that I was imagining this but I now realize I wasnt (since he recently stated how we werent trying to procreate any longer, so why bother with sex.). If that is in fact part of the problem, then there nothing that I can do or hope to do. She has become a roommate and a friend, but not a wife that gives me the joy and love we used to have. Dont you love anything? We might as well bring up the time tested alternative. There has to be more than just telling people they should talk about it. I would walk a mile in this mans shoes before I offer advice. Weve been married nearly 39 years and needless to say the last couple of decades I could have done without his aloofness. The females in my family have unusually strong sex drives. If your husband rejects your hugs, kisses, and touch, there's something wrong. This causes them to shy away from physical intimacy. He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. For others that are on the borderline of this happening: It feels like torture just coming here and reading because it makes me want some so badly I dont know what to do. 330 Comments That can happen because of a lack of communication, a lack of understanding or just misinterpreting what their spouse is thinking. I get angry, then sad and depressed. Ive communicated my feelings to him many times. Will not do anything about it.. Refuses everything and anything to do with sex. The more I got, the more I wanted. I hate her for cheating me out of sex. Come to find out my wife was getting hers on the side. Were a distinctive, diverse collection of people aged 60 and older who are busy changing the way we age by embracing opportunities to reshape our lives, connect with and help one another, and change the world for the better all while learning, growing, and having fun! . I am dry (we tried lubricant) and hes small (always been, but seems more so in his 60s) and he doesnt get or stay very hard at all. I dont know if thats whats happening for her, and of course the only way to know is to ask her. 4 Things to Teach Your Kids to Stand Up For, 5 Things Teens Need But Wont Ever Ask For, 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood, 20 Great Conversation Starters for Great Marriages. Good luck. a great career in media..She seems to have lost interest in ME. Our house is free and clear which is due to my earning a lot over 30 years and being conservative with money. Ohh my! I have been dedicated for 43 years but I also realize you need and one thing before you canOnto the other. When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? Run why stay? You are absolutely right, foreplay is an ongoing and wonderful thing, but for most women, after menopause, and the estrogen dries up, sex becomes too painful because of the dryness. But each night i rub her feet and tickle her thighs..she just lays there ..and I go out and sleep in a recliner. The subtle ways dates, touching, hoping havent worked and although years have passed, neither of you really understands yet how the other feels. I moved on to another job, we did not keep in touch for very long. My husband is 46 gringo! So we settle. Its like he just doesnt think about it ever. Any discussion goes nowhere. So, basically youre saying, My needs outweigh your life. I dont care if you die, so long as I get 3 minutes of pleasure.. Prostate cancer or vaginal dryness does not preclude you from meeting the sexual needs of your partner out of laziness and a lack of giving a shit. Thats why were looking at the most common reasons why your wife is never in the mood anymore and what you can do if your wife refuses to have sex. We have been married 38 years, and we love each other very much. It was not measurable in his blood. I love her more than anything in this world. She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. My husband never had my love of sex. And everyone under his authority flourishes. Sex is extremely painful, regardless of whatever I use to try and counteract the problem. 2. Its strictly psychological as I have no problems when alone or watching porn, which she is totally against. I am aware of the risks, and am more than willing to live with them, rather than go back to how I was before. If your wife is struggling with any mental health issues, she may be less interested in sex at the moment. who cares any more if your in a sexless marriage! Whats more, you are not doomed to be in a sexless marriage! I want to figure out myself and fix my own issues so I can be a great mom and wife but I feel like is a waste of time to try to fix my marriage because its broken down and Im emotionally drained and I just want to focus on my kids. Are you a fit 55 year old woman with a high sex drive? There is some offensiveness directed towards men but I can benefit from your observations. Every time he gets mad he threatens to move out. Some of it comes from knowing that your partner is unhappy," she writes at mbg. Obviously, if a person is feeling low and theyre feeling depressed, theyre not going to want to interact with others, theyre going to want to isolate themselves. Why would he ever have too? Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. She has to try, and she should want to try for your sake if not hers. Im a 68, fun, attractive, domestic woman who loves intimacy. Turns out childhood trauma caused me to have an attachment disorder which in turn caused subconscious intimacy anxiety which would then cause me to suffer from severe sexual dysfunctions which turned out to be unfixable. If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. I am 64 now and have had some vaginal atrophy, which made penetration hurt, but I take a vaginal pill twice a week. (You might want to share with her an excellent resource about responsive desire, Emily Nagoskis book Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.). I am 66 and my wife is 62. However, another simple answer is that she isnt used to being the initiator. ), then it's worth her talking to her doctor. It is not fair that I have to take care of it by myself! I am 67 and my wife is 62. He treats me like a food friend and we do get along otherwise. No one is talking about wives whose husbands are the one that doesnt want sex. I was active outside a few times with permission, after 7 years of zero sex, and was not having problems engaging in it, but that had to stop when I tried to help a person I was seeing was caught. */ When a woman has to live with her in-laws, its a major change from the way she had been living before. But on the other side Id the coin, Im dying for not having any kind of touch. Thats abusive and hurtful too. I work full time, do personal training after that, and run a business. Its not as rosy on our side of the fence, when you really look into it. My wife and I are in our late 50s and connect wonderfully in all ways. Every new relationship begins with a promise of love, intimacy and affection. Who gets up and takes card of them? Dont you dare accuse all men of being selfish and unhelpful. Youre right that its a huge, painful problem. How can a person be so shallow that they base their lifelong relationship on whether or not their wife can help them empty their balls? Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. I am very attracted sexually to my wife and it hurts my ego that she isnt at all. I told him if he didnt want a divorce, he should feel free to find date outside the marriage, and if anything serious developed, we would revisit the divorce option. The role only involves the two lovers and an invited therapist they consented to. I cant have sex do to pain and believe me I truly hat it. I think it is very selfish. We are just roommates. There is no excuse for boxing your partner in such a guilt ridden morally compromising prison. Without the energy of wooing, the fear of missing out if we do not woo, we fall into complacency and boredom. But whatever you do, never go to therapists. Many claim that its women who become dis- I have read here about mostly women who do not desire sex, but let me tell you, men not wanting or giving their female partners sex is an unmentionable crisis in our homes. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? I bet theres either something from you, or shes hiding a big lie. I was in a 22-year same sex relationship in which sex dried up after we had been together about 5 years. Back issues and menopause have completely removed my interest in sex. I think my wife [67] realises that with my having ED she no longer has any potential competition so isnt obliged to have sex because I wont be strayingand I dont want her to feel obliged,thats as bad as no sex,so the answer, literally, is in my own hands, my husband has done too many drugs and cant get it up its been six years i need sex. Four in five couples dealt with a desire discrepancy1 in the past month, according to one 2015 study. I bet if a man did ever6a woman does in one day he would not bitch about sex he would pass out. We have been Maries for 26 years. Women fall in love with their husbands have kids and having kids taking care of the kids 99.99% and working full time or taking some class to better your job. My wife avoids spending time with me. If this is a real concern for you then ask yourself was there ever any infidelity or cheating on your part? I spent 36 years with a man who I was never good enough for and now in a relationship with a man who loves me and is so kind. She basically views it as an immature fixation and that as a married man I should concentrate on more important things. she and I cannot even sit on the couch and watch TV as she scoots away from me. I guess. Will, I dont see ruling the relationship and demanding that a wife relieve her husband, even if shes sore or unwilling, as a solution to anything except an unhappy wife. He masterbates quite often and I have come home to find him watching porn on the couch and masterbating. The phone started beeping and making its different sounds at 630am. Im guessing because you are complaining that your 59 year old husband is fat, lazy, snores and is demanding is the reason you dont have sex anymore? He will once in a while hold my hand for about a minute and always gives me a peck on the check before he goes to bed. We love them. If your wife is going to have any appropriate romance in her life, its going to come from you. Especially because . My wife is 54 and started menopause at 46. You have slipped into being neutral around her, rather than being masculine and making her feel girly in your presence Inside, you may feel very masculine or confident, but she's not going to feel any desire to be affectionate if you don't use your masculinity to make her feel feminine (rather than neutral) in comparison to you. We started dating in high school and never separated. Its is not your role. As we age we need to look at things with a different perspective. Most of my female friends in their sixties are married to men who just stopped having sex, wanting sex, initiating sex or any kind of intimacy. Id rather die than lose him. You need to talk to her and get to the root of whats causing her panic and anxiety whenever she gets close to you; when she feels comfortable and that whatever major issue there is, gets resolved, maybe your sex life will return. From that point on, Croatia, Greece Island, every best ski area out west. For most women, sexual desire is fueled by romantic feelings for their partner. If you think Im going to live the rest of my life without sex your absolutely out of your mind. Im 57 and my husband is 56 years old. Hasnt been for decades. If divorce is not an option then get involved outside the home. Lets separate then.NO! Or a genuine, romantic, butterflies-in-the-stomach exchange? In fact, I dont even feel were friends at this point, as we rarely speak to one another (unless I initiate a conversation) and whenever I try and initiate any affection or even merely suggest sex, he bristles, becomes hostile and defensive and thats that. Is it honestly your right to be given sex however your wife can give it? I became so dry that sex was painful, we tried different lubricants but nothing really helped much. . The precursor for any affair is emotional intimacy, says Gopa. Help her through this transition andensure that she feels confident, no matter what changes her body has gone through. Thats great but what about the man? My biggest problem is that my wife is very, very against porn and at my age I cannot attempt to relieve my tension without it as a point of focus. I always ask if Im doing the right things and she says yes. The frequency began to dwindle a few years back and now has been more than a year since we have had sex. I go where I want and do my own thing, theres no where are you going, screaming and name calling. This could be a reason why your wife avoids sex. Most importantly, a couple agrees that their marriage is built on a foundation of love and respect. I dont know where to start. So no, this was not the place to blow your horn. Seems to me that sex is more important to most guys than it is for a woman. And he wonders why Im ill sometimes?? We lost our virginity to each other well before our marriage so often, in fact, that on our wedding night we decided we were too tired from the events of the week and just went to bed to sleep. He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. She would still complain of pain. And the source of so many sleepless nights is that person who promised to love and honor us until death dobus part and who still possess a mouth and fingers and the ability to do just that. When's the last time you two had a long, heartfelt conversation? Ive tried vacations, dates, sex toys, lubricants, vitamins, blah blah blah..when a gal is not sexually attracted to you and is generally more than willing to never have sex again cuz (insert the reason I dont understand here) shes not going to change at 70. Been married 20 years . Not you at all by the sounds of it. Ask if there is something you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. That was almost 50 years ago, I dont live in he house with her. But men also have 12-15 times more testosterone than women far higher sex drives and are capable of siring hundreds of times more children than women are capable of bearing. Keep it as quick as I can at 41 I had neck surgery, nothing below waist working very well, had penis pump install, went from 6 to 3 (maybe) tip flops around cant penetrate vagina.she at time started Menopause and wasnt really interested anyway. We just share our acerage, her in the house and I have a place with my dettached out building. They think they do, Men expect women to get hormone therapy to fix the hormone problem. The nipple is not an on and off switch. Would you like to see more questions and answers? Then menopause dried it out and the muscles resist and joints spasm, so its painful. Rich B, I am 64 and my wife has withheld sex with me for the the last 5 years. Enjoy your life as my dear friend you only go around once. var d = document, s = d.createElement('script'); But now living with you is not what she thought it would be and she closes shop on you. At 78 and after 47 years of marriage I kind of resigned myself to a sexless marriage.My rabbi was married over 55 years and said he had 4 good years sohe was not complaining.He also said over 90 percent of members of the congregation were miserable in their marriages.I guess he and I. Hello Dave, It breaks my heart because we are so happy together in every other way, but I need the physical intimacy and to be desired and sex is something I enjoy and I feel like he is withholding it. Are there any people at all who have actually solved this any other way apart from no more proper sex or divorce? It got to the point that he wanted sex badly and was about to lose his mind. Thrown into menopause way too young. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. Most women are unforgiving and never say theyre sorry for the crap they pull, and stop providing or enjoying sex on that basis. Arguments and maltreatment are nothing to put up with. He had at least 9 different jobs, years of unemployment with me working overtime 12 hrs night shifts (RN here). Go be the cat lady then. Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. Isnt it such a shame that Bob here, says he masturbates 3x a week and Im sitting here daydreaming what it would feel like to have it again after years that my husband just cant. She would be lost. Shes my buddy. If men want more sex the this is what you should do. If his wife refuses to explore solutions he will need to tell her the following. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. She didnt. But. My husband stopped 25 years ago when he couldnt get it up. Find someone who finds you attractive, become more attractive, get in shape (thats key). For me my wife has me feeling guilty and hesitant and re framing from touching her in any way. Hello Hawkeye I chose the platter for one. WFT. I found a wonderful woman gynecologist, and she put me on low dose hormone therapy. She isnt enthusiastic about that idea. When we met, it was amazing. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Not so in an egalitarian or woman-dominated marriage where she gets what she wants that always ends in dysfunction & misery. Just has zero desire. . Some nice and some angry! oh Pamela, I hear you! So sorry to read this Pamela, Im in the same boat with my lovely wife, terribly depressing. ( I told him about the job opening). So, Im on my own unless I decide to cheat. I understand women loss interest but still love there husbands and dont want a divorce and most of the time its the same for the guy, I just wish women would be open to their husbands having discreet affairs, not prostitutes just flings. 10. Therefore, building and maintaining an emotional rapport is extremely essential not just for a robust sex life but also for the overall health of the relationship. When home I was to do whatever he wanted me to. Not many people enter their senior years wit an active sex life, some do, but not many. I dont know what kind of slob you were married to, but maybe he rolled over and fell asleep because you were so boring and disinterested. Been sleeping in separate beds since surgery. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Especially if you once had a healthy and active sex life. I am really starting to think that sex was not made for pleasure, but for reproduction and when the reproductive years end for a woman, so does her desire for sex diminishes or ends and men that still have a desire, suffer in silence or become broke from a divorce and visiting prostitutes. Prostitutes are not a good option since all the bad stuff in the sex industry world and I feel that I am too old to move on and I am not a chick magnet. He didnt see me and since that day, my attitude towards him has changed. Shes always saying how bad she feels about it but but never offers to do anything. To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org. I met a man at work a while back, he was attracted to me, he was in a sexless marriage (so he said). Being refused is an essential part of the life of a person who is proactive in getting his or her wants met. Hell go out and get what you can as long as its safe and mutually desired. Ive been reading a lot about this and not come across anyone with a solution apart from no proper sex or divorce. Hi Welcome to, IMO, male divine right. Unfortunately, my wife is 62 and has given up interest in sex and affection of any type. Save yourself it is merely self preservation. "The identity of a young parent can become entirely entwined with that of the children. I finally became frustrated with being turned down and just waited for her to initiate sex. She cut me off completely about 10 years ago and refuses to even talk about sex when I try to bring it up. That has been HER normal. There is only one person I love adore and desire. This isnt one of those seasons things, she believing a lie from the devil to her, to destroy your marriage.
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